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Month: November 2014

From Diagnosis until Death- The Toughest Journey till date

From Diagnosis until Death- The Toughest Journey till date

Dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer on the 1st of March 2010. He passed away on 17th October 2014. His 4yrs and 7month fight against cancer has been tough not only on him, but on each and every one of us. Mom- the pillar of support, towards the end, started to lose her cool too.

On days she used to feel low, “L” and me kept pusing her spritis up telling her that we’ll fight it out. We wont let dad giveup. But she just had this one thought- Is he living with cancer or, is he dying with cancer?

Looking back, I feel maybe he is in a better place now, calm and more peaceful. No chemos, no PETs, no Adjuvant therapy nothing at all… I now truly agree with mom… he really wasnt living a life after diagnosis—- He was dying with cancer.

The 4 odd years of our lives have been tough. Starting today, I shall share all our experiances – diagnosis treatment, hospital rounds and all other aspects of fighting the ailment. I hope it helps other people probably in a similar state.

Something to Think About #11

Something to Think About #11

When Dad passed away, i was feeling very lost. Where had he gone away all of a sudden? i asked questions …many of them on life and death. As I watched the rituals unfold in front of me and Dad’s last rites, I really wondered if all this made any sense to the departed person.

I did mention this to “A”. He gave me his version. “A” thinks life is a form of energy. And energy cannot be destroyed, killed or removed, it is converted from one form to another. So then going by this explanation, if life is energy, what is it converted to when death occurs? “A” didnt have an answer, and said, these are things which science has to still find an answer too.

I am still lost.. Coudnt come to terms with Dads death, until I came across this beautiful piece on a blog titled Source of Inspiration. It sure has been a source of insupiration for me and I just had to reblog it.

So with all due credit to the blogger here is a must read.

Know Your Symptoms- Colorectal Cancer

Know Your Symptoms- Colorectal Cancer


Our body almost always gives out signs that something within us is amiss. It is for us to pick up these clues at the earliest and head to meet a doctor, before it is too late. Dad did this mistake. He ignored his body’s symptoms… untill it was way too late.

Colorectal cancer in very early stages may or may not show any symptoms. It depends on the location of tumors or polyps if any. Nevertheless, as soon as one notices discomfort or something that is not usual, it is wise to get it clarirified by a doc.

The unfortunate nature of the ailment is that not always are symptoms noticable till the tumor actually begins to cause an obstruction in the colon or rectum.

 First and foremost…Do you have changes in your blowel habits or any one of the folowwing?

1) Narrowing of stools

2) Blood in stools, or tarry in nature

3) Mucous in stool

4) Excessive and persistant diarrhea or constipation

5) Feeling that the bowel has not completely emptied

6) Pain or discomfort in abdomen

7) Gas, bloating or flatulence

The other common symtpoms(similar to most kinds of cancer) that would be noticeable are loss in weight, changes in appetite and nausea too. When its already critical… the symtoms that are observed in advanced stages are severe discomfort in abdomen, pain, fluid accumulation in abdomen, jaundice, liver enlargement and pain radiating to hips.

In August 2008, when I met Dad after a span of 10 months, there was a noticable weight loss in him. As he seemed well otherwise, I attributed it to the natural process of aging. By June 2009, he started complaining of severe constipation. They were persistant, yet he took it lightly  relied on home remedys instead.

I always advocate one thought, if a medical condition persists for a long time and doesnt seem to improve after the basic remedial procedures, there is an underlying issue that should be investigated. In the months to follow , even after pressurinsing him to visit a doc, he refused to do so. The discomfort and abdomenal bloating just increased and when he really coudlnt take it more, he made a visit to a doctor. But by then it was too late…

It was March 1st 2010, almost 9 months after the active symptoms showed its traces. The tumor in his colon had grown to the size of a tennis ball. And he was diagnosed with stage 4 colorectal cancer- a stage that is not curable.

If only we had paid heed to the intial symptom itself… probably dad would have been here today..


He Came, He Stayed, He Conquered…..

He Came, He Stayed, He Conquered…..

Pancreatic cancer cells

Dad passed away on October 17, 2014….

Today, on his 69th birthday, I think of him with fond memories in my heart.

It was a 4 and a half year struggle, a struggle to keep cancer at bay. But in the end, cancer emerged vitorious. The end wasnt a very good sight. I will never forget the last few days, sitting by his side, and feeling his hand, I saw the way he was sliping away. I will probably come to terms with the fact that Dad is no more.. but never will I come to terms with the way his life ended.

The fight against cancer is a tough one. Probably the toughest battles in life. Not only for the patient but for the near and dear ones too. It greatly reduces the quality of life , and often makes me wonder is it actally worth it?