It has been almost 4 and a half years since dad was diagnosed with colorectal cancer. I still vivdly remember that day. I had called mom from Russia(where I was briefly posted) enquiring abt his health check up. She couldnt say it aloud as old Gran was around. So she spelled it,” Dad has C-A-N-C-E-R” of the Colon!!! It was from then till date, cancer has slowly and steadily crept into all our lives, not only dad’s.
After umpteen upheavels, the end is nearing. Yes, he has exhausted all treatment options.A part of me tells me that its ok, the sooner the better, the end was anyways inevitable. But a small little corner in my heart cries out, – to hold on to dad. To not let go.I have never been really close to dad. But yet at this moment I feel and sense that there is a bond, a relationship beyond words between a father and child.
I want to be able to hold his hand when he closes his eyes. Will I be able to ? Will I have the strength to endure this? How will I get through this phase?May the lord be with me and give me the strenth.
I shall do another blog someday on my relationship with my parents. For now its just the anxiety of having to go through a painful death of a loved one.