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The Magic of Warmth!

The Magic of Warmth!

“A soldier doesn’t fight because he hates what is in front of him. A soldier fights because he loves what he left behind.” – Unknown

It was for the third time that we had to cancel our planned vacation. The bags lay half packed on the bed, as I looked up at his stoic face. His eyes said it all; the vacation was not going to happen for some time to come. I didn’t utter a word the entire day.

It’s overwhelming indeed!

From the time of the Great World Wars, there have been abundant discussions and dialogues’ describing what life for a soldier is like. Movies and bestsellers have well portrayed human experiences and mental outlook during difficult military deployments. However, there has been little attention on the effects these deployments have on the wife. When the man of the house is away on military operations, the family experiences significant stress, and dealing with it could be overwhelming.

The wife goes through loneliness, pressures of extensive separation, potential difficulty in bringing up children, disruption in family roles and many a times a feeling of a loss of emotional support.

I didn’t bid goodbye!

And when the unit “Husband” belongs to, decides to make last minute changes to its schedule, holidays planned with families may never see the light of the day. The air of disappointment lingered around as I sulked when the “Husband” picked up his bag to leave. It was evident- there would be a month of separation. The complex emotions were hard to counter, and I stood still without bidding him the ritual goodbye I had been doing so for the last decade.

Loneliness- When kids weave a magic to overcome it

I sat that night on my bed, looking outside the window. The vast expanse of the night created a deeper sense of loneliness. As I propped up my pillow, I felt my 8 year old’s hands moving through my hair. They felt warm as she gently massaged drops of oil with her tiny fingers. Children have this uncanny sense of understanding, of feelings that are seldom spoken. They are better able to comprehend what is not expressed in words and gestures, but what is evident in facial expressions.

Sensing my mood, she felt it right to just give me-her mother- a touch of warmth, hoping it would smooth things over.

I let her move her little hands through my hair, as the warm coconut oil sooth my temples. I closed my eyes. Maybe I was being unreasonable. Being married to the man in uniform, my life is a jumble of both joyous and lonely moments. And it is best I take one day at a time. Well, I wasn’t sure if it was the warmth of the oil or her tiny fingers that brought about this realization to me.

It was a magic of warmth moment indeed!!!!!

“I’m blogging about my #MagicOfWarmth moment at BlogAdda in association with Parachute Advansed Hot Oil

 

*Featured image source: Pixabay
Parenting Alone? It’s No Easy Job

Parenting Alone? It’s No Easy Job

    I pretend to have all the energy in the world, when all that I want to do is hit the bed…. It’s no easy job parenting alone!

It isn’t uncommon these days, to find spouses living in two different places. The reasons may be many- better career prospects or children’s’ education. In such cases, the children end up being with one of the parent, meeting the other over long weekends or vacations. In my case, the husband being in the armed forces, is constantly away for long spells, leaving me and the kids to manage on our own in what I call our little mad home. So for my two little children I am their single parent (well, I shall ignore the parenting on the telephone done by the hubby).

So what’s the big deal here? Why does this take a toll on me?

I am charged 24/7

So here I am the super mom, charged up and on call 24/7. Of course most moms are on some sort of red alert through the day when it comes to their child’s needs. But hey think about managing the show single-handedly with no help whatsoever, making those daily small decisions on your own too. I am up and about, showing up at all school functions. I cart around them and their playmates on every single day of the week. I am the nurse, the cheer leader, the counselor, the cook; well the list just goes on…

I plan; really… even before the previous one is executed

Did you just think about planning the meals for the day? Oh wait there’s more. Like the craft activity for the younger one that involves paper quilling. And what did the older one want? A play date with her friend. What about the cycling session with both of them? Yes, that’s what I do all the time. The mind seems to be occupied, juggling various little plans.

Where did those 24 hours go?

The hours are just not enough in a day. Damn! The newspaper still hasn’t been read. Never mind, in a few hours the next day’s paper would be at the door.

Frustrations? What do they look like?

I sat with that hot cup of coffee, soaking in every bit of the aroma. The younger one decides to squeal. I rush to see what it was all about, only to realize that her little pony tail lay open. I head back to my coffee and as the first few sips go down my throat, the sound from the kid’s room doesn’t seem all too fine. I pretend to be calm, as I pull them apart after their violent fight of bites and scratches. A few minutes of consoling and I head back to my coffee which now is sans the yummy froth and aroma. Frustrated? Naah you wouldn’t spot them on my brow.

When does the day end?

And despite the tiring day, every single day, I find time to read them a bedtime story, and tuck them into bed. Bliss!!!!! The kids are asleep, the house is silent. I sit down and all I want to do is talk to someone.

Oh wait! There’s no one around!! Sigh!!

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Oh My Dear Son!

Oh My Dear Son!

Indian Moms seem so obsessed with their sonny boys. Surely, I may be generalizing here. But my observations almost always tilt towards this. So whether they are 10, 20, 30 or even 40, the moms just can’t stop babying their “Laadla Betas”.

For example, Mom Grey gets restless every time her son eats even one roti lesser than usual. Even if sonny boy explains that he is just simply full and there isn’t any major issue, she would insist on him immediately consuming a homemade brew to ease digestion!!!!! I really don’t interfere in the mommy-son relationship, but it quite amuses me how moms still baby over their 40 something son’s appetite. I am sure he is well aware of his stomach and could ask for any sort of brew if a discomfort was actually felt.

Another senseless thing I heard was from my colleague “P”. Buddy “P”has been married for just over a year. Her mother-in-law (MIL) loves to cater to every bit of her 30 year old son’s needs. So whether it is the socks on the floor or the towel on the bed, it is supposed to be “P’s” job. MIL would never let her son clear his dinner plate, or for that matter fetch a glass of water on his own. On days when “P” is really tired and insists on her hubby helping to clear the dishes, MIL would discourage the same by saying “He works so hard for the family and has come back after a tired day. Why trouble him with more work?” What dear MIL is probably forgetting is that “P” too could have had a tiring day. Pressures from office or simply pre-menstrual syndrome, she could well get a hand to help around. Further, on days when delicacies were prepared in the kitchen, the first serving would always be served to their son and the balance is then to be consumed by her.

I was once told that this kind of pampering comes from the love the mom has for the boy. I agree there is unconditional love. But I see no justification in babying their sons well into adulthood. Parenting as a responsibility comes to an end when kids grow into adults, irrespective of his marital status. But many mothers seldom let go…..

And yes, there are “laadli betis” too… But somehow when these betis get married the “Damaad” steals the show!!!!

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