Oh My Dear Son!

Indian Moms seem so obsessed with their sonny boys. Surely, I may be generalizing here. But my observations almost always tilt towards this. So whether they are 10, 20, 30 or even 40, the moms just can’t stop babying their “Laadla Betas”.

For example, Mom Grey gets restless every time her son eats even one roti lesser than usual. Even if sonny boy explains that he is just simply full and there isn’t any major issue, she would insist on him immediately consuming a homemade brew to ease digestion!!!!! I really don’t interfere in the mommy-son relationship, but it quite amuses me how moms still baby over their 40 something son’s appetite. I am sure he is well aware of his stomach and could ask for any sort of brew if a discomfort was actually felt.

Another senseless thing I heard was from my colleague “P”. Buddy “P”has been married for just over a year. Her mother-in-law (MIL) loves to cater to every bit of her 30 year old son’s needs. So whether it is the socks on the floor or the towel on the bed, it is supposed to be “P’s” job. MIL would never let her son clear his dinner plate, or for that matter fetch a glass of water on his own. On days when “P” is really tired and insists on her hubby helping to clear the dishes, MIL would discourage the same by saying “He works so hard for the family and has come back after a tired day. Why trouble him with more work?” What dear MIL is probably forgetting is that “P” too could have had a tiring day. Pressures from office or simply pre-menstrual syndrome, she could well get a hand to help around. Further, on days when delicacies were prepared in the kitchen, the first serving would always be served to their son and the balance is then to be consumed by her.

I was once told that this kind of pampering comes from the love the mom has for the boy. I agree there is unconditional love. But I see no justification in babying their sons well into adulthood. Parenting as a responsibility comes to an end when kids grow into adults, irrespective of his marital status. But many mothers seldom let go…..

And yes, there are “laadli betis” too… But somehow when these betis get married the “Damaad” steals the show!!!!

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  1. This in not just an issue with Indian moms. My Mexican MiL babies her sons equally, and would do so for her grandsons as well. She told my son to go to Mexico with her and she would make him food and wash his clothes. He is 17. He quietly said, “I like to wash my clothes.”

  2. Parenting as a responsibility comes to an end when the child becomes an adult. But cetain habits are too hard to die. As long as we as a culture continue to idolize joint family system or jointly staying with husband’s parents, this will continue to be the theme of the house. You mentioned about P’s tiredness from work…ask her MIL if she even thinks she goes to work, she must be having pure fun at the workplace. In her opinion there is no need for P to work since her son works hard and P just works at her own prerogative.

  3. Your words tickled me to pour some thoughts on it…Certainly Indian Mothers need to change the way they pamper their grown up Sons. They should not interfere in Couple’s life in the way that it steals Love and Care from the relationship. They should leave it to them… If they don’t have any problem sharing work then Mothers should not poke their nose. After-all, if one is doing something its for the sake of Love and care. I hope my Message reaches the one in need.

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