Can’t Marry You- You Are Drunk

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It’s time to say a BIG No!!!

We are a country, where arranged marriages are still the norm and young girls are wedded off to a groom their parents deem fit. Most often girls seldom have a say in the selection. Amidst all this, are quite a few young girls who are rejecting their groom right on the big day of their wedding.

The reasons may seem hilarious and trivial but when you scratch deep inside and look, it speaks volumes, about courage, where young girls are actually calling the shots.

Marriage is a big affair in India. When marriages are arranged, lot of things go into it. Family backgrounds, social status, financial condition etc.. of the bride as well as the groom are checked by the respective parents. However if, for whatever the reason, the alliance breaks, very often the brunt of it is borne by the girl. Tongues often start to wag about the credibility of the girl. It is for this reason , young girls seldom call off their wedding,  in order to save their parents from any embarrassment, succumbing to the wedding irrespective of whether they may be happy in it or not.

This is more common in smaller towns with closer communities living together. But in the last few months, a spate of marriages has been called off by young girls. Considering their social backgrounds and the small towns they belong to, such a step speaks volumes, about their courage- to stand up for what is right. It shows their understanding of marriage and what they actually want from it.

Our movies have shown it many times in different ways. But here are some real time cases. Worth a ponder.

  • The case of the mathematical bride: In Rasoolabad village, Kanpur, a girl refused to get married after the groom failed to answer her elementary school math problem.
  • Drinking not acceptable: A young bride in Mahoba district refused her groom after he came drunk, in an inebriated state.
  • Dirty Dancing: Samastipur district in Bihar saw a young bride refusing to marry her bridegroom after he was seen dirty dancing with the members of the marriage procession!!
  • When you can’t see: A bride called off her wedding near Aonla, UP when she noticed her groom was unable to perform the wedding rituals due to poor eyesight.
  • The hidden truth: When a groom had seizures at the wedding in Rampur, Uttar Pradesh, the bride got angry over the fact that his epilepsy was kept hidden from her. She quickly chose a guest, another member of the family and tied the knot with him.
  • All about money honey: When the bride’s friends asked the groom to count a wad of currency notes, the groom looked lost and was unable to do so. When the bride realized this, she immediately called off the wedding.

  1. I like such stories where the female gender calls the shots. Ramya, you do a wonderful work of bringing them out on the front burner.A close relative of mine is on a bride hunting spree (i know its a wrong word but that’s the way their process is turning out to be) for their son and the girls are discussing and negotiating whether the would-be groom be ready to share the cooking part with his wife or what are his views on seeking dowry among other issues. I have no sympathies to offer to my relatives because i am silently rejoicing about the power the girls are exercising today.

  2. It is good that at least some girls are not afraid to call it off when they stumble upon the truth. It will be great when boys will learn to treat girls as equals. It will be precious when parents realize that boys or girls, it doesn’t matter and they should be treated equally and only equally.

  3. Such an interesting post. I have a good friend from India who calls me her “USA Mom.” She is very much younger than me, younger even than my own children. I was quite upset when she informed me that she had allowed her parents to arrange a marriage for her and not told me until after she was married. It has certainly NOT been a good match in many ways and she is dealing with the reality that she was totally unprepared and way too immature socially/interpersonally for such a relationship. And she refuses to consider ending the relationship, claiming she will stick with tradition. It is scary for me, because there is only so much I can do, especially when we’re now located 2,000+ miles away from each other. However, I will never forget one of the very first conversations she and I had regarding dating and marriage–after I had berated the whole idea of “arranged marriage,” she impertinently commented, “Yeah, because your system works so much better in the long-term…” I had to smile at that, considering I ended my first marriage after many years of unhappiness, though at least I realized I did have a choice and used it to help myself, something she claims she will never even consider… It worries me. I agree in your appreciation of females standing up for themselves! You go, girls!! 🙂

    1. hmmm… so much to ponder over… I really dont want to disoute which system is better… but I strongly advocate girls having to make their own decisions and mature enought to face whatever the consequences of it may come by…

      1. Of course not, and there are always pros and cons to most things, but…I do personally believe as you do, that females should be able to make their own decisions. I also believe every woman should have the right to end a relationship if it becomes a danger to her or unbearable/unhappy in the extreme. 🙂

  4. Loved the article. The incidents are really amusing. True, it’s the girls who have to bear the burnt of broken alliances. It really takes a lot of courage to speak up and act. It’s high time that women take the reins of their lives in their own hands.

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